Helping a Family Member after Rehab

 

According to the book Substance Abuse and the Family, the recovery process begins with:

• Education: The individual with the substance use disorder begins to learn to deal with their problems without using alcohol or drugs.
• Definition: The recovering individual defines their own personal boundaries. This includes separating their own personal issues from those of other people. One begins to take responsibility for their own behavior and assumes accountability for their own actions.
• Coping: The person with the substance use disorder learns coping methods to restore their emotional, physical, and spiritual energy.
• Confiding: The person with a substance use disorder has at least one other individual in whom they can confide honestly.

The recovery process requires that individuals get help from others, including professional therapists, other recovering addicts, friends, and family members. Often, this process begins during the rehab stay and continues long afterwards.

 

There are several tendencies to avoid when a family member leaves rehab. These include:

• Taking things personally: The early stages of recovery are often very difficult and cumbersome. Individuals in these early stages are often overwhelmed with meetings, therapy sessions, etc. They should be allowed plenty of time to get accustomed to the recovery program. This means that they may not appear to be paying much attention to their family duties/or issues; however, because they are concentrating in recovery, they are making their family a priority. Adhering to a strong recovery program will strengthen the family.
• Pushing too hard: In the early stages of recovery, it is easy for family members to be too strict or to push the recovering individual too hard. As long as they are following the recovery program and doing what they are required to do within the program, they are doing fine. Remember that this is not your recovery program; it is their program.
• Expecting perfection: Individuals in recovery are going to make mistakes. Making mistakes in recovery is a sure way to become stronger and to learn. Expect them to make mistakes. Recovery plans need to be functional, realistic, and have certain realistic consequences for indiscretions. If at all possible, try and discuss this with the individual and their treatment providers (Of course, you need permission from the recovering individual to do this.) and find out what their expectations for recovery are.
• Being afraid of honesty: Do not be afraid to be honest with the individual and expect honesty in return. Sometimes, being honest means admitting that one does not have all the answers. Sometimes, being honest involves telling a person something they do not want to hear. Sometimes, being honest is hearing things you do not want to hear as well.
• Assuming too much: It is far more important to ask questions, get answers, and discuss issues, then it is to assume that the person wants or need something or that you should do something. As part of being honest, it is important to discuss what the person needs from you and what you should expect from them instead of assuming these things.
• Trying to assume control of the individual’s substance use disorder: A huge mistake that family members make is they assume they can get someone sober, keep them on track, or be responsible for the person’s relapse. The only person that is responsible for the substance use disorder is the person with the disorder. Family members should never blame themselves for another person’s substance use disorder or relapse.
• Being judgmental or continuing to bring up past events: The past cannot be undone, and bringing it up is often not a productive approach to recovery. Instead, focus on the present.